With Apologies to Alex Bevan...

My friend, Matt, recently wrote a piece called “Profiting from our Ignorance” in his blog, A Vestige of Sanity. (You should check it out if you have time.) In it he talks about those profiting on our desire to be thin…not normal, but excruciatingly model-like thin. He makes a good case for rethinking the way we allow our kids to be brainwashed into thinking nothing bigger than a size 2 is good enough, pretty enough, or attractive enough.

This is a particularly serious subject…I know, because as one who has fought the weight battle her entire life, I’ve been there. As an adult, I am much better at curbing my desire to be a size 2 than I was as in impressionable teenager. I’d be happy with a 10 or 12, but I’ve still got a way to go to get there in a sensible and healthy way.

The issue for me is that having gone from being particularly huge to somewhat normal, I have “issues” that can only be tackled surgically. You can lose fat, you can lose pounds, but you don’t lose skin. The skin is an organ. It can shrink some if you are still young, but it doesn’t disappear.

So why am I apologizing to Alex Bevan? If you don’t know who Alex is, you haven’t been keeping watch over the music scene in NE Ohio. Alex is a legend here, one incredibly good guitar player and song writer. He is a rarity, earning his living with his music. He has performed not only locally, but toured nationally in his younger days with many well-known bands. He is most famous for his song “Skinny Little Boy from Cleveland Ohio,” which I am convinced he is probably sick of singing after all these years.

Alex performs a wonderful song called “Cool Stuff” about the unfettered buying spree he would engage in if he won the lottery or inherited a bundle. I loved his catchy tune, but I wrote my own version of the lyrics; with Alex’s permission, Forest and I performed this little goodie quite often when we were playing the local circuit. It is an irreverent look at what we’re willing to do to look “acceptable” given the funds to pay for it!

New Bod!

Some say life is good and sweet
Some think toys make life complete
But they’re not lookin' in my mirror each day
Cuz for every week gone by
There’s some things that catch my eye
That make me want to call the doc and say…

Chorus
Gimme a new bod, one that’s long and lean
Gimme a new bod, Like nothin you’ve ever seen
Fix me up from head to toe
My plastic surgeon’s rolling in dough
Gimme a new bod, one I'm not afraid to show.

Take a little nip here and a little tuck there
Lift my boobs and derriere
Make my form more pleasing to the eye
Some liposuction please
So I fill my Calvin Klein’s with ease
And make men turn their heads when I walk by
Chorus

So take these jiggles from my knees
And laser my legs if you please
And I won’t ever have to shave again
Take the thunder from both thighs
Remove these bags below my eyes
And put a mini implant in my chin.
Chorus

A tummy tuck would sure be sweet
Those 6-pack abs are buried deep
A redone belly button would be quite nice
Lift my neck to make me sing
And upper arms without bat wings
Would certainly be well worth the price
Chorus

Give me a Lopez butt and Jolie lips
Tina Turner legs and gypsy hips
Make me over from my head down to my toes
I want to fit in a size five
and finally feel alive
Write a book about it all, and be on Oprah’s show
Chorus