Thursday, August 19, 2010

Time goes incredibly fast...

Having completely blown the first two weeks of the six-week plan, even to the point of gaining a couple pounds, I am now working in earnest. The Death March started Tuesday and has continued uninterrupted. My hips are creaking like an old rickety rocking chair and I’m feeling a bit like one, too. I’ve been applying Icy Hot to my shins before walking and before bed as preventative measures. Guess I should do the same for my hips.

I have noticed that, in general, I am slower and have many more aches than I did several years ago when the Death March was a part of my daily routine. I did finish the march quicker today than yesterday…at this point, I’ll take any improvement.

Tonight I try the kettle bell workout again. Considering my track record with falls and broken bones the last few months, I’m hoping I don’t drop it on my head or whack myself in the shin or knee. Tomorrow I may break out the walking poles to see if I can increase the calorie burn on the Death March. Three more weeks and counting until the reunion…275 days until the wedding. This will be the ultimate test of my resolve to not have more Shamu wedding pics!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Fitness equipment and other inane topics…

Yesterday, I mentioned my obsession with fitness devises. Presently, I own or have custody of:

a Bowflex
a Tony Little Gazelle
a Health Rider
an exercise bike
a street bike
a treadmill
a weight bench with requisite iron
a kettle bell
an exercise ball
a rebounder (mini trampoline)
a pair of walking poles
Exercise bands
Two exercise bars for aerobic breathing workouts

I have owned at least an equal number of other devices that have been long since sold off at garage sale prices.

I can tell you with absolute certainty that the purchase of these products does not correlate with weight loss. You actually have to use them to achieve a weight-loss outcome. In my house, they take up space, gather dust, and occasionally serve as drying racks or clothing trees, but they do nothing for me. I have to use them to achieve anything. I am beginning to wonder if my inability to develop the discipline to use these devices on a regular basis is greater than my desire to be thin.

Even as I write this, my quads are screaming in agony from my latest purchase. Yesterday morning’s workout of forty squats with a 10-lb kettle bell almost did me in. Hopefully the Tylenol and slathering of Icy Hot will tame the flaming quad pain enough so that I can get up and do it again tomorrow. I know, I know…I’m just a glutton for punishment. Sorry to say, I think the death marches also have to resume if I have any hope of dropping a few pounds before that reunion in September.

Unfortunately, the “Quest to Impress” doesn’t end with the reunion. My daughter has announced her intention of marrying in May of 2011, so my weight loss efforts will continue for months.

When my son got married, I begged him to wait a year. He didn’t. I bought a gorgeous black outfit for the wedding…well, it looked gorgeous on the hanger. I put it on and looked like Shamu in sequins. Although I weigh about 100 lbs less now than I did then, the thought of another album full of Shamu wedding shots has me cringing in my boots.

For years I’ve heard about women who search for the perfect “little black dress” to keep in their closets for that special occasion. I never had a “little black dress” with the emphasis on “little.” A while back, I was in Dillard’s and walked through the junior department (obviously on my way to shoes) and spotted my idea of the perfect “little black dress.” The original price was upwards of $120 but it was just hanging on this rack with an extremely discounted, end-of-season price tag of $18! It was an incredibly small size (5) and looked more like an overly long shirt than a dress, but I bought it anyway…inspiration, I told myself.

It’s been hanging in a clear plastic dress bag in my home office for two years now. All I need to do is lose another 70 lbs, followed by a circumferential body lift, upper arm and thigh lifts, breast reduction and lift. They might as well throw in a facelift for good measure…in for a penny in for a pound.

Barring those things happening, I guess I’ll just slit the dress up the back and put it away. I will wear that dress come hell or high water, even if it is one day artfully placed on my dead body in the casket.

Until that happens, we will be revisiting the kettle bell torture.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

So Much for the 6-Week Plan....

The first week of the weight-loss plan fizzled. I rode my bike for an hour last Monday, but in the process, I fell off the bike. Well, that isn't "quite" accurate. I wasn't actually moving at the time.

I had been riding for about 30 minutes when I stopped to have a drink of water and make some adjustments to my headphones. As I stood, straddling the bike, I removed my helmet and took a drink out of the water bottle. Then I tried to place the water bottle back in the holder, but I realized that I was in an awkward position to accomplish the task.

I attempted to back up a bit to access the bottle holder, but my shirt got stuck on the bike seat, throwing me off balance. Helpless to stop the impending disaster, I tipped to the left and landed on my side on the pavement. In the process, I broke the brand new rearview mirror off my handlebars. The bike was otherwise unscathed.

I, on the other hand, skinned the left elbow and bruised my left hip and my lower left rib, the location of which is marked by a ghastly dark purple bruise about six inches wide and two inches high.

Needless to say, I will be off the bike for a while longer. Miraculously, my newly healed tailbone never hurt a bit, even after an hour in the seat.

But I have not given up the quest to impress. I went to Dick's Sporting Goods and purchased a 10-lb kettle bell. (This is part of my obsession to own every weight-loss device known to man.) Now I'm just hoping that I can manage to do the kettle bell routine without dropping it on my head or breaking a shin! Time will tell.

Friday, August 6, 2010

The International Blogging Recognition Council is a SCAM!

This week, I received an email telling me that the “The Fractured Anecdote” had been awarded a “Recognized Blog” status by the "International Blogging Recognition Council." The message read as follows:

During the month of July, the International Blogging Recognition Council (IBRC) had the pleasure of reviewing your blog The Fractured Anecdote. Your blog was referred to IBRC through our Refer-A-Blog program. "Reunion time of year" was the topic that the Council reviewed. Based on the review, the Council has recommended that your blog receive IBRC’s designation of “Recognized Blog”. IBRC reserves this honor to those blogs that effectively connects with the audience and promotes the sharing of ideas and experiences.

We invite you to visit our website at to learn more about IBRC and our “Recognized Blog” award. Congratulation on your accomplishment.

When I got home from work, I went to the website. There I discovered that in order to get the award logo to post on my blog, I had to register on the site…to the tune of a one-time $45 payment. Having never heard of this organization, and being the jaded and skeptical person I am, I immediately hit Google and started searching. I discovered the following information over the next couple days.

1) Having to pay $45.00 to be recognized has all the elements of a hit and run scam. Real awards programs don't require payments.

2) I was not alone in receiving this e-mail. Thrilled bloggers from all over were posting about this wonderful “award” they had received. This worried me because knowing how few writers out there get any recognition, many would immediately pay the $45 just so they could post their award logo.

3) The domain name,, was just recently purchased and it was done in a way that masks the identity of the owners.

4) The website was extremely vague.

5) There was no list of the organizations members, board of directors, management, or credentials.

6) There was no physical contact information…no state, no country.

7) There was no explanation as to how this award might benefit the blogger.

8) When I visited some of the other “awarded” blogs, I had to question just exactly why they had received an award. My only answer was that the IBRC wanted the $45 fee, because some of what I read was not what I would consider award worthy. I even left a comment on one or two, saying I thought it was a scam.

So to all my fellow bloggers out there I say “DON”T GET SUCKED INTO THIS ONE!”